Complementarianism in the Home

Now that we have grounded differing roles in the created order, we must understand how those roles will be lived out. We have the foundation, but now we need the practicals. Since Adam and Eve were husband and wife, it would make sense to explore what the Bible says about complementarianism in marriage.

Male headship established in Adam

As we discussed in the previous article, this primary concept comes from the order of creation and how Adam was given headship over Eve:

1. Adam was created first, then Eve, and Eve was created as a helper for Adam (also showing that Adam is incomplete without Eve). Paul appeals to this truth in 1 Tim. 2:13 to ground his argument.
2. Adam is the federal head of all humanity (Romans 5:12-21, Acts 17:26). Even though Eve was the one tempted and ate the forbidden fruit, Adam was present and was held responsible.

Now, we must discover what else God says about how this plays out in the family unit. If male headship is God’s original design for the husband-and-wife team from the beginning, do we see this reality reinforced in other areas of scripture?

Man is the head of the family unit

The answer to that question is a clear yes. However, we must keep in mind that headship does not mean inequality or superiority. The man and the woman are equal in value and worth since they are both created in God’s image. It simply means that the husband has a specific role and function in the marriage relationship, as does the wife… and they both bring glory to God.

There are four passages in the New Testament that speak to how a husband a wife relate to one another.

Passage #1

The first and most straightforward statement of headship is found in 1 Corinthians 11:2-3, which says:

1 Corinthians 11:2–3 ESV

Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

There is a clear hierarchy, isn’t there? One is head over the other in a logical chain. God is the head of Christ. Christ is head of the husband. The husband is the head of his wife. Again, we would never say that Jesus is not equal to or inferior to God, so why do we assume that in the husband and wife relationship? It is in the same verse! This also comes off the heels of Paul encouraging the church to do all things for the glory of God and that they (the Corinthians) imitate him as he imitates Christ.

And, that conversation continues through verse twelve (with the entire discussion being 11:1-16).

(hover on the link to preview, or click to view the full set of verses)

1 Corinthians 11:7–12 ESV

• Man is the image and glory of God –> Woman is the image and glory of man.
• Man is created by God –> Woman is created from Man.
• Because of these two things, there is a symbol of authority for the woman but not for the man.
• But… while this is true, let’s not forget that they are dependent on one another and that all things come from God himself.

And this also reiterates an often-overlooked requirement for the husband. He doesn’t get to call the shots and get his way just because he is the head. He must also submit. The husband takes his marching orders from Jesus, not his own desires.

I realize this teaching can be unsettling to many, especially in our current culture. Still, we must remember that if God established this dynamic, it is for our benefit and His glory. If we have a negative outlook on this passage, we are importing baggage into the text because there is nothing negative here. No domineering. No abuses. No underhandedness. No deceptiveness. This is the function of a husband’s headship and a wife’s submission that glorifies God as He intended from the beginning. And this is reinforced in other areas of scripture:

Passage #2

Colossians 3:18–19 ESV

Passage #3

1 Peter 3:1–7 ESV

There is one final reference to wives submitting to their husbands that will be referenced in the next section below, but take notice how in all three passages, the command of submission is always in one direction: wife to husband. It is never the other way around. Also, these verses are never just about the wife. There are commands to both parties. That is why I said in the beginning, that this is not a woman’s issue. It concerns the man and the woman and how they interact together. Their roles complement one another and shouldn’t be viewed independently from each other.

Marriage reflects the mystery of Jesus and the Church

Christ’s headship over His bride is the standard and blueprint for marriage. The husband sacrificially loves his wife, and she willingly submits to his leadership. This was the design from the beginning, according to the reference of Gen. 2:24 found in Eph. 5:31.

Passage #4

Ephesians 5:22–33 ESV

Did you catch the amazing truth that human marriage is a great mystery designed to reveal the relationship Jesus has with His bride – the church?

With that in mind, can we agree that Jesus and the Church have different roles and functions? And, though we are co-heirs with Christ, we still must submit to His authority as our head. Hopefully, no one would say that we are equal to Jesus. He is our Lord and Master, and we must submit to Him.

Jesus is the one who gave His life for His bride. On the cross, Jesus bled and died for the church’s redemption. There is intentional imagery happening here. At his crucifixion, he was pierced in His side, where blood and water flowed out of him. These are the two elements of our salvation and rebirth: blood and water.

Jesus bled and died for the bride at His side, so the jingle goes.

Do you think it is a coincidence that Eve was crafted from Adam’s side? There is a parallel here, illustrating the sacrificial love the husband should have for his bride from the two Heads in scripture: Adam as the head of the human race and Jesus as the Head of the church (see Romans 5).

And this is only the tip of the iceberg. I encourage you to continue investigating how the relationship between husband and wife reflects the relationship between Jesus and the church. Our marriages have been designed to reveal this mystery to the unbelieving world around us!

Final Thoughts

So, in conclusion, as we put these passages together (Genesis, 1 Corinthians, Colossians, 1 Peter, and Ephesians), we can see that:

The husband is to: be the head (with authority and culpability), provide (as Adam did in the garden), love his wife sacrificially and more than his own body, not be harsh, be understanding, show her honor, protect her (as the one having more physical strength), and be concerned for her well-being and spiritual sanctification.

The wife is to: be the helper,willinglysubmit to her husband as unto the Lord, let her godly conduct be a witness to him, and value a gentle and quiet spirit above fancy appearances.

I believe the main rub many have with differing roles is that they are not being lived out this way. Instead, we see them lived out sinfully.

Many husbands today live out this role in the way it has been cursed by God. Instead of the attributes listed above, they become either domineering, selfish, and abusive, or they check out mentally, becoming passive and absent. Both lead to issues in the relationship that are not God’s design. No wife wants to submit to such a person.

Likewise, women can function sinfully in their roles. Instead of being a helper, they want to assume control and authority. They can become angry, defensive, prideful, and manipulative instead of submitting to their husband’s authority.

If men’s and women’s roles are lived out in this way, it’s no wonder why there are so many broken and dysfunctional marriages. It’s also understandable why this biblical view is rejected.

As we draw to a close, my encouragement to you is this: don’t view differing roles by the sinful results you see around you. Instead, view them through the biblical lens and discover what God has designed and intended.

Men – be a man worthy of a woman’s respect and willful submission. Protect, lead, and honor your wife. Love her more than you love yourself. Be willing to die for her if necessary. Recognize that when you say “I do,” two people become one flesh. The household unit is a new creation with one head, not two. Provide for her as the head of the family. Constantly encourage her in spiritual growth. Be a man of prayer who takes his orders from Jesus. Lead gently and lovingly so you won’t fear being held responsible for your family’s direction and outcome. Your life is not your own. Cherish the incredible responsibility you have been given and reflect Christ in every way possible.

Women – see the weight of responsibility your husband has been given and be the loving helper he needs to be successful. Encourage him and pour into him as he pours himself out for you. Let your godly spirit radiate in your home. Recognize that when you say “I do,” two people become one flesh. The household unit is a new creation with one head, not two. Your husband’s leadership is a responsibility to bear, not a pass to get what he wants. Realize that your submission is not a weakness. It is a beautiful reflection of Jesus’ submission to the Father while he walked this earth. Jesus modeled perfect submission in his humanity, and you get the opportunity to reflect one of His core attributes in your relationship with your husband. You get to demonstrate a core characteristic of the Holy Spirit – our helper – who always points us to Jesus!

Ladies, don’t you want a man like that? One who will cherish you, provide for you, and sacrificially love you? Men, don’t you want a wife whose very nature points you to Christ? One who comes alongside you… to support you… to love and respect you? This is how a properly functioning body brings glory to God and creates the optimum conditions for human flourishing.

The answer isn’t to remove all distinctions between men and women. It is to embrace them! We’ve seen our society destroy gender distinctions, and it is destroying the next generation. Not only do we need to restore the definition of what a biological man and woman are, but we need to give our children the framework for biblical manhood and womanhood: what makes someone distinctly a godly man or a godly woman? That is precisely what complementarianism provides.

Continue in the series:

Intro | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4